NYC, Bitches…PART TWO!

Saturday of Big Apple Con started promptly with me desiring nothing more than to SHOOT my alarm clock. I hit the snooze about 15 times before I realized I had to SHARE a bathroom with the other 20 people on the floor. More shocking was the realization that I hadn’t brought a robe with me. So, with the use of extremely careful timing, I ran my ass into the bathroom and fired up the Classic New York Lo-Flo Shower Head of the shower. After firing off a fast one, I zipped back into my room to get into my business suit, opting for my low-cut black lace shirt rather than my red shirt. I felt foreboding. Paris showed up around 9, and we cabbed it to Penn Plaza.

At the exhibitor’s floor, we came to discover that our table was occupied by another! So, after wandering around a bit, chatting with Static Eddie at the photo op area a bit more, and generally addressing every whim of Paris’ and my ADD, we discovered we DID have a table, across from our Friday table! We set up shop, and proceeded to sell the shit out of comics all day. The funny part about this table (besides the fact that we MIRACULOUSLY weren’t asked to leave after countless profanities exchanged between Paris and myself, some of which involved me throttling him, ESPECIALLY that one joke…ooh, I’m still going to kill you, AssWeezil!), was that we were boxed in. The only way to really escape the table was to crawl under it…which I had to do a lot of, as the publicist. This did indeed invoke many jokes, the best of which *I* had the courtesy of making…the indy label at the booth next to us laughed when they saw me limbo under the table effortlessly and said something to the effect that they were very impressed. I quipped with all the dignity in the world, “Hey, let it be known that any woman worth her weight in gold should be able to crawl under a table and back out without messing up her hair!” A hearty laugh and sideways glance to Paris was made, which in turn made me laugh my ass off.

A few pictures at the table:

The smug bastard himself, surrounded by his work, in the middle of some of the most talented artists the comic book world has ever known…GODS, we belonged there!

Myz Lyz in byzynyzz mode. The suit went over well…in fact, I was followed across half the convention floor by a young vendor who wanted to take me to lunch. It was EVER so cute.

The selling, press packeting, schmoozing, gawking (I’m sorry, that chick’s ass really DID have better posture than the rest of her! It was awful!), and hanging out with Mark Sparacio and Static Eddie…we called it a day at 6:30. SEVEN HOURS of con goodness had left us tired. It was time to unleash ourselves back onto the world in search of food and a subway back to Midway Point (my hotel) to change for dinner. On the way to the subway…I TOOK PICTURES!

Please To Enjoy, Friends:

d00d…my first time seeing Madison Square Garden at night with NON-airportshuttlebullshit-clouded eyes!

Yes, the one ad on that does say, “Stripping To Music Videos Is Fun.” Would we have it any other way (provided the videos aren’t, say…Jessica Simpson or Brittney Spears 2007 videos…I don’t have a dick, and something inside me still retracts when I think of those two…)?

SURROUNDED by advertising…I want some of these for my place and to put around EVERY Memetic Crew member’s house. Totally.

It would so work, guys!!!!!! *ducks onslaught of abuse from North Carolina*

I don’t know what Grendel looks like in Texas, but SHIT, he’s bigger in New York!

Paris and I would like to dedicate this picture to Keith, Memetic Press’ Hired Specialist. When we walked past this, we both saw it and GAWKED. After a second, I said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” and we both just started HOWLING with laughter. We started snapping pictures…AND I EXPERIENCED MY FIRST “BEING YELLED AT BY A PARANOID NEW YORK CRAZY LADY!” I almost cried, I felt so special when she told me I had better not be taking her picture or she’d break the camera over my white ass (to which I was tempted to answer, “I’ve had more interesting things broken over my ass by better woman than you, lady.”). It’s moments like this that bring out my love of humanity. As Paris and I observed, not only can this city keep our walking pace, it makes the two of us look like fucking Mister and Missus Sunshine!

The most beautiful post office I’ve ever seen…I think my camera squirted upon seeing this. The Unabomber figure in the corner is Paris, putting up with my shutterbugging in Ass-Degree weather…sucker. LOL!

After the last shot of bright lights, we descended into the subway station for my first subway ride…which took a while as Paris the “subway expert (his words, NOT mine…though I got shushed a lot when I repeated them to him)” tried to figure out which damn platform we had to be on. I saw yet another giant rat (which I learned to calmly ignore…they don’t talk to you if you ignore them…), and saw my first in-car solicitation of money. I found the subway to have a real calming effect…I almost fell asleep. Good thing I hadn’t, or my compatriot probably would have let me drool on a stranger so he could sell tickets to the resulting fight…

After an arrival and quick change at my room, we made our way to Mumbles on East 17th, which…seriously, those were THE BEST WHITE RUSSIANS I had ever had in my life, and the rest of the food was amazing. Even the cornbread got Paris’ Southern Approval (and we all know how far that approval goes…about as far as one of my crushing wit blows will let it…). It was an evening of two friends wrapping up the night, debriefing…and just generally enjoying the fact that in New York, no one can hear your verbal abuse. It was a nice night.

After dinner, Paris headed back to Brooklyn. My tipsy ass went back to the hotel, did some drunk dials to family members, and sat in the shower to loosen up my back after SEVEN HOURS in six-inch heels. As the hot water ran over me while I curled up in the tub below the shower head…I smiled. Business was booming, friendships were growing, AND PEOPLE WERE LOVING “AFTER!” It was an amazing feeling for me when one girl came back to buy the comic after she read the press release I had written up for it. That made me feel like I had really done my job, which I have been working so hard to make happen.

I am so proud to be a part of this, and I am so proud of all the parties involved in this book…especially you, Mr. Battle. I couldn’t sell this as well if the product didn’t rock.

Okay folks…tomorrow is Part Three…full of hotel and city pictures.