A Note To The Unenlightened…

I’ve long since grown used to the looks my tattoos, clothing, hair, and piercings have invoked from random conservative passerbys. I’ve long since grown used to the looks I get from clubgoers who see the rituals I undergo on various stages in Los Angeles. It doesn’t bother me. What bothers me…is that I really do wish I could openly share my beautiful experiences with people in a calm manner, the way some people share stories about spicy foods they’ve tried, or oceans they’ve scuba dived into.

I used to contemplate writing up and printing the following note, which I wrote two months ago. It would take more time and effort that it is ultimately worth, but…as an anthropologist on Mars, I almost feel like educating people is my duty. This is the note I had written once:

“Dear Stranger,

  You don’t know me, yet you have judged me with your harsh stare. I would like to inform you that your ignorance does not anger or shame me. It saddens me. I often wish that people who look at me the way you have could live in my skin for one day. I wish you could see beauty in unusual places as I do. The world I live in is an accepting, peaceful world, where my compatriots and play partners do not judge me…rather, I am allowed the freedom to express myself, explore myself, and become the most amazing person I can be.

  You see me and think I came from a broken world, and that I am a broken person. I hold a Bachelor’s from a Big Ten University (from which I graduated with High Honors), and I have a well-paying, stable job. My family, though they have moments where your stare has crossed their faces, support and love me with all that they are. I am exactly like you in my ordinary world. I just choose to express myself outside of my mind. Every mark on my body signifies a journey I once made and completed with joyful success. Every minute in the hands of a play partner is an expression of the strongest trust a person can give over, and I am blessed to have friends whom I can trust with all that I am. I am not a black-hearted creature. I love everyone in my world with all that I am, and I have deep spirituality that goes beyond your books and lables. I am a whole person, made thus by the modern primitivism I choose to embrace safely, sanely, and consensually.

  If only you could experience the journeys I have taken! To feel yourself free-falling out of your body as you overcome and transcend your worst fears, to look in the eyes of a play partner and see comfort and safety deep inside, to be able to trust with your whole being, to see with unclouded eyes, and to accept EVERYONE who walks this planet…even those who wish me ill or wish me different…it is a true gift that my journey, my world has given me. I have faced the worst tragedy and pain a person could face, and this life I live has ultimately healed my wounds and allowed me to move on to the greatest things. I have experienced the purest love and happiness, the purest pain and sensuality, and the most stripped down and glorious moments of existence allowed to a mortal. I am the luckiest woman alive, and I have such an amazing world to share.

  I truly feel sorry that you feel you cannot share these joys with me. Whatever path you choose, I hope you travel it safely to the end, and perhaps we shall meet again.”

Yeah, most people *would* crumple it up and toss it aside as they toss my presence aside…but I wonder how many people might read it and genuinely wonder why they felt they had to stare harshly at me. Perhaps I have too much a flare for the dramatic? Or perhaps there’s still a part of me somewhere that wants to save the world, one educational experience at a time…

Meh. Back to ignoring the Mormons across from me trying to explain to their kids why I’m damned. I love Southwest conservatism…it’s cute.